Hope everyone is having a great week, we are almost to Friday!
I wanted to jump on here and talk a little bit about Body Dysmorphia and what I have gone through with competing and being on a strict meal plan. The fitness industry is an extremely competitive industry to try to get into. It’s always one of those things where you are so motivated but what exactly are you motivated by? Almost every single one of us gets motivation by looking at other people and wanting to look a certain way or change ourselves to look different, which can be a good thing to an extent, but can also be extremely damaging. If you are wanting to change yourself in a way to be healthier and you get motivation by looking at fitness models and striving for that, then do your thing girlfriend. However, if you are trying to change your entire image and going against your beliefs to get there, that is damaging and let me tell you why.
Ever since probably my junior year in high school, I would carry fitness magazines around with me, I would go to weight training in school and do the workouts I found in those magazines, I changed eating habits and became super lean and looked awesome. Then after high school I had babies and all my attention was on them. Fitness was the last thing on my mind. I got big and was honestly lost. So I got back into it when my boys were about 3 and 4. I strived once again to be like those models in the magazines. I researched different ways of doing things and tried so many different approaches.
In 2015 I set my mind on doing a competition. I started dieting really hard and going hard in the gym. I hired a trainer for my nutrition only. I did all my workouts by myself. I trained myself. I was on a roll. I ended up doing well in the competition. I was 99lbs the day I competed. Crazy right? I did not reverse diet after the show and ended up putting on about 30lbs from my stage weight. CRAZY!!
These past two years after my show have been a complete mind struggle. When I was prepping for the show, that is what consumed me. My thoughts, my lifestyle, everything was so obsessive! I would carry a huge lunchbox around full of my food every day. I rarely had cheat meals and when I did, I would cry and do cardio until my clothes were soaked and still feel guilty. My family would tell me to eat, my mom was worried about me because I was soooo thin. My face was sunk in and I was so tired. But I was this “inspiration” and I looked awesome. Let me tell you, I was miserable and I was NOT an inspiration. I was living a lie but I didn’t want to stop. I checked my weight every time I would go into the bathroom, even when I just drank water. It was ridiculous.
I started to take little breaks here and there from the gym and would go into a depression because I felt disgusting. I would eat my feelings and then throw it all up. YES, I developed a case of bulimia. I am going to be very real with you. This stuff is no joke! I was struggling so badly and have only recently sought some help for this. I was so tired, couldn’t go to the gym, had no desire really to go to the gym. You know why? Because I was scared of what everyone would say. “There’s that girl, she got fat.” “What happened to her, she used to be so fit.” I was TERRIFIED of these comments! Still am to be honest. If someone looks at me too long, I am thinking all sorts of negative things! You guys I weigh 131lbs. I am not fat. I am thick but far from being fat. I was seeing something totally different than what everyone else sees. I confided in a friend and they told me “Tiffany, no one cares what you are doing as long as you are happy. Put a hoodie on, headphones on, get your ass in the gym and workout, get your fire back!” WOW those words were all I needed to hear.
I have not been back yet but I have started dieting again. I hate the word diet but I am doing IIFYM. I will do another post on this portion later but yes I have changed my habits again. I am working out at home, doing what I need to do, and evolving into a new human. BALANCE.
I am honestly so excited to be changing again. Life is hard, life throws curve balls and you learn to roll with them. I struggle every day with body dysmorphia but I am starting to know my triggers and what I can do to get past those moments. I am going to leave you with a few little tips that have helped me start down a healthier body image and a much stronger path.
1. Journal!! Start writing everything down. What you ate, how that made you feel. How you are feeling during the day, are you hungry? Are you sad, angry? What made you feel this way?
2. Self Affirmation – Tell yourself something every single morning that you like about yourself.
3. Start taking care of your mind – Be nice to yourself like you would a friend.
4. Surround yourself with Positive people – You become who you hang out with. Be around people who love you, care for you, and lift you up!
5. Get adequate sleep – You need sleep to be fully functional.
6. Recognize the voice that tells you negative things about yourself.
7. Ask yourself if you are a motivation to others around you – Would you want your kids to be like this? What would you say to your friends or family if they were going through this?
8. Get Help – Go talk to a professional. Sometimes there are underlying causes for what you are going through. That is their job and you will not be judged!
If you are struggling at all with this or anything else, email me!! I am by no means a professional but I am always willing to listen and give you my opinion and thoughts.
I love you all,